Traitorous Tories Carry On As Usual

This week, the Tory party has taught us that astounding and public displays of incompetence are no longer grounds for dismissal.

 

It’s amazing how things can change so drastically in such a short period of time. Berlin in 1989 versus 1990; Caitlyn Jenner going from an inconsiderate, selfish murderer to an inconsiderate, selfish, murderer with a vagina, and now we’re here in 2017, where it seems you literally cannot be replaced as Prime Minister even when your leadership makes Jim Jones look like a paragon of healthy management.

 

Five years ago, scandals of the nature that have rocked May over the past month would have gotten rid of actual, competent ministers, so it’s surprising to see the fish-out-of-water that is our current PM still holding on; although parasites are known for their tenacity. And she can always compare herself favourably to Trump and Duterte; because you will smell less like shit if you’re standing next to the open sewer.

 

At this point, Theresa May is more of a threat to this country than anyone else (including Comrade Corbyn), Brexit notwithstanding. Not content with “losing” files on paedophilia and abuse in Westminster (presumably because it implicated her backers and colleagues), nor lying to the house about various report findings, nor stirring up racial tensions with impossible – yet very public – immigration targets, nor even sitting on widespread sexual misconduct and criminal behaviour from her MP’s, she has now added to the tsunami of shit that is her premiership by lying about her knowledge of Priti Patel’s actions in Israel.

 

Although Downing Street has denied this is the case, it really would not be out of character; this is something May is certainly used to doing whilst acting out her “mother-knows-best” shtick. Her long and illustrious history of ignoring facts and lying to get her way speaks for itself. It’s why she’s incredibly useful to the Tory Party and why anybody still backing her is in desperate need of some electroshock therapy.

 

Priti Patel leaves her resignation meeting with a smile on her face. // Source: EPA

 

Despite my intense dislike of Patel, who truly is a special kind of moron, the situation she finds herself in is down just as much to May’s ineptitude as it is Patel being a self-serving succubus who wouldn’t know what public service was if it tried to buy cluster bombs from her. May has tried to throw her minister under the bus, but is so incompetent and lacking in any authority that it still makes her look weak. If the Jewish Chronicle story is true – which seems increasingly likely – it is telling that Patel was able to resign instead of be fired. This means she likely has dirt on someone in high places, and will also most likely be welcomed back into the Ministerial fold in a couple of years.

 

You’d think someone who had caused a potential international incident like this would be placed under more stringent sanctions, but as former Defence and current Trade Secretary Liam Fox has shown, even putting national security at risk doesn’t stop you from serving in the Tory Party. Once again, the sheer disdain that the Conservatives show to the electorate really does make one wonder how anyone with a shred of self respect could defend this administration. This is compounded by various obtuse attempts at politicking by the different factions in the party, who seem to think they’re in House of Cards despite giving off a vibe that makes Nicola Murray look like Machiavelli. Embarrassing, to say the least.

 

Theresa May now faces a cabinet reshuffle following Patel’s resignation. // Source: Sky News

 

It was reported that May was in tears following her General Election humiliation. This made some people sympathetic to her; I’m of the opinion that being depressed and humiliated is the least that May deserves. Her entire career has been based on contempt for the electorate and an attempt to play political games she has neither the tactical nous nor intellectual ability to handle. The brazen lies post-Brexit (and beforehand as Home Secretary, where she was a complete failure by most objective standards) are the syphilis-cherry on top of the communicable diseases-cake that is her life.

 

However, my biggest issue is that all of this is, once again, overshadowing Boris Johnson being an unforgettably bumbling buffoon. The Foreign Secretary, because of a “slip of the tongue” (i.e. the lack of preparation that permeates his entire professional life and has led to him being sacked from papers, a previous cabinet and hopefully, eventually this one too) has managed to potentially keep a British citizen in prison abroad for longer than needs be, and still refuses to apologise, going so far as to get the gender of the prisoner wrong in his non-apology. Yet, because of his friends in high places, posh accent and piffling personality, Boris remains. At this point expecting a Tory MP to resign for misconduct is similar to a child waiting at the front door every day for their absent father to turn up with a fishing rod, ready to make up for years of neglect.

 

The thought that the people of Uxbridge thought this callous, predatory ignoramus was worthy of a place in the Commons worries me. Then I remember that this is simply business as usual for the Tory party, that around 42% of the voting public are clearly secret masochists, and that nothing matters anymore. A sad state of affairs, but one we seem to deserve.

 

Feature image: Channel 4

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