Review: Zelda Breath of the Wild on Nintendo Switch

Zelda Breath of the Wind + Nintendo Switch = My number one cause of sleep deprivation


First off it is very pretty


Where to begin with this game? I got this game on March 8th, and I’ve barely put it down. I’m a month behind on these reviews, and my sleep is all messed up because the damn thing is portable. Dorkly basically nailed it here. I love it so much, if it rained less in game it would the perfect game.


The Console


The Nintendo Switch is small, portable, and pretty (I got the neon version, so nice). It’s basically what it was advertised to do with all the cool gimmicks. You can play it handheld, where it is comfortable, easy to use, and gorgeous. Some people will probably complain about a 720p screen, but come on; its 720p on a handheld, from a company that always prioritized gameplay over graphics, it looks good. You can click it into the holder thing and it appears on your tv, after whatever delay your tv has for recognizing inputs. Seriously that commercial was just like ‘click’ and it’s on the screen, I don’t know what magic tvs they have but mine takes like 3 seconds to recognize when an hdmi input is added, click and pause and play.





You can then hold the controllers, one in each hand, if you hate yourself you can flail like an idiot. I honestly don’t know anyone who preferred the wiimotes to actually just holding a regular controller. Speaking of, you can clip the controllers into a regular controller shaped holder and you are good to go. It’s a nice easy controller, though the 4 buttons on the left controller are awkwardly placed, it reminds me of trying to use the yellow C pad on the N64.



It wasn’t designed for humans


The Battery life of the console is about 3-4 hours, and it never seems to turn off, only going into sleep mode so the start-up is basically immediate, which is awesome. The controllers have some slight syncing issues, they definitely don’t like anything being between them and the console, legs included. Usually that just ends up with a little bit of signal lag, but it’s pretty uncommon. I did have the left controller die on me once, and I realised it is because I use it so much more (it controls walking) therefore it dies quicker than the right one, which I’m not actually mad about because that just makes sense.


Basically I can play for 5-6 hours, get tired, pick up the console and bring it to my bed to continue until I pass out, which was my weekend routine. If it helps I also brought it with me to the gym once to ride the exercise bike, so you can be healthy-ish if you really wanted to. Doubt I’ll be bringing it to any roof parties though.



Hey Guys! Watch us play this 2 player game! I love parties


Zelda Breath of The Wild (aka the greatest game of all time)


So I kinda like this one. It’s a strange Zelda game and I think my favourite so far. There is an enormous amount to do, and I have sort of lost track of the actual main quest. It has become part of my life and routine. A shrine or two before I sleep, and one or two before I go to work, it’s so damn addicting. This game is honestly worth both its price and the price of the console.



I named my royal white horse “Privilege”



I’m going to write about both the general overview of the plot (it’s the same as always), as well as the lore, and the very important place in the timeline.


The general plot is that Ganon returned, again, this time referred to consistently as “Calamity Ganon”, which at first I thought was a reference to the event, but no, it’s just what he is called. He shows up every 10,000 years or so to try to take over the world, and a princess and warrior are reborn to deal with him. Link (the warrior and player character) and Zelda (badass princess who only sort or generally needs Link because he has a magic sword) are presumably both named so by coincidence every several thousand years by very presumptuous parents. In this particular iteration Link was a full on knight and Zelda’s bodyguard (as opposed to standard village boy chosen one), and they were prepping for Ganon’s return (also new). They unearthed a bunch of ancient machines to help fight Calamity Ganon, and semi predictably Ganon corrupted them. Link was injured in the battle and Zelda ordered him put in stasis for 100 years (after which he has amnesia, because of course). 100 years later you wake up, basically naked and unarmed. Zelda is still fighting Ganon, apparently keeping him contained within Hyrule Castle, my bet is on stasis, its something the Zelda series has used multiple times. No I haven’t beaten it, I don’t want it to end, and it doesn’t seem to be ending anytime soon. Most other games relied on the Triforce as the wish granting McGuffin, no mention of it here at all.


Where it sits in the timeline is a whole different mess and the problem is the Rito. According to the 25th anniversary book there are 3 main timelines splitting from Ocarina of Time (this could be in the past but I’m fairly certain it isn’t, again cause Rito):

  1. Hero loses; and every Zelda property not made by Nintendo follows, cause they’re all shit and that’s convenient. If you want to torture yourself then look up the tv show.
  2. Hero wins and stays a kid; Majora’s Mask followed by Twilight Princess, which is just basically an improved Ocarina of Time. I personally believe this to be the predecessor of Breath of the Wild.
  3. Hero wins and stays an adult; you get Windwaker. Ganon returns later and they flooded Hyrule to stop him getting the triforce. The Zora, the one race that actually lived underwater, evolved into birds. No I don’t know why, they also used a hook sling thing to climb mountains beforehand, all strange.



Nature’s mistake apparently

So basically what it appears to be is a follow up 10,000 years into the future after Twilight Princess. Given that the people from that time had used the shadow realm technology (which was a thing) to prep. This is fucked up by the Rito. See in this game there are both the Rito and the Zora. So all bets are off, I still think its post Twilight Princess personally, and not some weird timeline merger thing.




This is a really strange Zelda game, like really strange. It’s an RPG (full on equipment and item management), and it is fully free roam, and I mean fully, you can go anywhere right off the bat, and climb any surface. It’s also Dark Souls-y with its stamina management, and its fuck off instakills. Its amazing, I wandered for like 2 hours before even attempting to follow the objectives. You get guided for the first bit, then it’s full freedom, you choose a direction, and which of the 4 divine beasts (main dungeons) you go to first. There are 120 shrines on the giant map, that act as mini dungeons and fast travel points, as well as massive towers to download map data onto your shiekah slate.



Not that subtle


There are elemental weapons (electricity, fire, ice, explosion, the standards), great fairy fountains upgrade clothing, weapons have durability and different styles, clothing has defense and additional effects, crafting, cooking, hell you can even own a house and decorate it.


And this game is unforgiving until you upgrade your armor, even minor fights will have you scarfing down food Skyrim style. The first Lynel I found, a red one near the Zora Kingdom, I snuck up on it, real stealthy, then it spotted me, rushed me, and fucking murdered me with a giant sword. I got instakilled by its dash attack, from full health (like 6 hearts at that point).


It is tough, huge, and amazingly deep (heh).


But Here’s the Thing


The fucking weather, fuck the rain, fuck the lightning. I appreciate that it adds an aspect of realism, but you can’t climb when it rains, because you slip. I literally will put my game down for 5 minutes and just leave my character standing there, waiting for the rain to pass. And if there is a thunderstorm then you have to worry that your metal gear will attract lightning. I am not kidding, lightning will strike, and kill, you if you have a metal weapon, shield, or bow (hilariously it will also hit your enemies). Mostly that fucking rain though, it’s so frequent, it is like the storms in Assassins Creed Black Flag; I appreciate the realism, and the visual effects, but can I please turn it off now?



At least he feels my pain


The elemental effects can swing from broken to useless. Fire creates an updraft, and if you would like to run directly at a grass fire mid fight then you can jump at it and hope it lifts you before you catch fire. Electricity on the other hand disarms you, like make you fling your weapon aside completely. If electricity hits water or metal it bounces and makes an explosion thing that makes it explode outward. Electricity sucks (unless you are using it).  Ice freezes things, unclear what else.


This game is so stupidly massive though, literally I find main quest locations and I activate the fast travel thing, then I turn right around. I don’t want this game to end, to the point where I procrastinate on quests for side quests, and side quests for shrine quests. It has become part of my life, and I don’t know when I’ll beat it, let alone stop playing.



The only fresh air I’m going to see for a long time

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